  Back in San Diego after four days in Las Vegas with Wendy,  Shelby,  and Esen. nbsp;  When you go on a trip with kids (
that including teenagers)  it is not so much a vacation as a field trip.
nbsp;
 They still need to be organized,  fed,  and entertained round the clock.
nbsp; nbsp;
 At this point I am regretting that I agreed to take a foreign exchange student for five weeks.
nbsp;
 Not because she is annoying,  but because of every other crisis that is zapping me emotionally right now.
 &
nbsp;
 While in Vegas I managed to go off on my own several hours to visit Rick's mother and step- father.
nbsp;
 Thank God they were home.
nbsp;
 I knocked on the door and Bob opened it and didn't quite recognize me.
nbsp;
 I said,  " Bob,  it's Lisa.
nbsp;
 Is Eve here?
nbsp;
 So he took me back to the kitchen,  and I saw Eve,  and started crying,  and she saw my face and realized I knew about Rick,  so she started crying,
 and we just hugged and hugged each other.
nbsp;
 We finally sat down and she began the long horrible story of what happened to Rick.
 &
nbsp;
 As I guessed,  Rick's problem began right after Mother's Day,  about May 13.
nbsp;  (
My last email from him was May 10)
nbsp;
 He was feeling terrible pain in his lower back,  so his wife took him to the emergency room.
nbsp;
 He had a slipped disc,  or herniated disc,
 something like that.
nbsp;
 They put a pain patch on his lower back and sent him home with his wife,  apparently not telling her about the pain patch.
nbsp;
 Now,  this pain patch never should have been used.
nbsp;
 This was something that was only used on cancer patients and others who had grown immune to every other pain killer.
nbsp;
 Not only that,  but it was the maximum strength.
nbsp;
 The lowest dose was 25.
nbsp;
 They gave him 100.
 &
nbsp;
 At home,  he slept the next 36 hours,  and his wife was only able to wake him for very brief periods.
nbsp;
 She finally called the paramedics.
nbsp;
 As they were transferring him from his bed to the stretcher,  he went into massive cardiac arrest.
nbsp;
 It turns out that the pain patch had lowered his blood pressure so drastically that he barely had any circulation.
nbsp;
 Bear in mind that I am not a physician and I am only relating what I can remember,  and I was absolutely horrified as I was hearing this story.
 &
nbsp;
 This is going to be a long post I'm afraid.
 &
nbsp;
 When they got Rick to the hospital,  they put him on full life support.
nbsp;
 To make a long story short,  they told his wife and mother that if he survived he would have brain damage and be blind.
nbsp;
 However,  over the next few weeks he regained consciousness.
nbsp;
 He opened his eyes and asked his mother,
 "
What happened to me?
nbsp;
 It seemed as though he would recover.
nbsp;
 But then,  he began having seizures.
nbsp; nbsp;
 His immune system was so zonked that he caught the super- flu.
nbsp;
 And apparently this is what finally killed him.
nbsp;
 After six weeks,  he passed away on June 29,  two days before his 47th birthday.
 &
nbsp;
 I cannot tell you how shocked,  sad,  and angry I am.
nbsp; nbsp;
 I consider this murder on the part of the doctor who put the pain patch on him.
nbsp;
 Rick's wife will sue for malpractice and I hope she wins.
nbsp;
 I hope that doctor loses his license.
nbsp;
 This never should have happened.
nbsp;
 The ironic thing was,  Rick never trusted doctors.
nbsp;
 He would always tell me,
 "
Fifty percent of the doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class.
 &
nbsp;
 And I cannot get Rick out of my head.
nbsp;
 It has been a week,  and the memories do not go away.
nbsp;
 They just get more vivid.
 &
nbsp;
 Rick's mother and step-
father invited me to lunch.
nbsp;
 They were always so wonderful and kind.
nbsp;
 Over lunch,  I showed her the pictures of Rick and me that I had accumulated over the three years we were ( mostly)  together.
nbsp;
 She was so happy to see those pictures.
nbsp;
 She told me how grateful she was that I came,  and that Rick was such an important part of my life.
nbsp;
 &
nbsp;
 Thank god I did not throw those photos away.
nbsp;
 I found out several things.
nbsp;
 A few of the photos were taken at Julia Pfeffer Burns State Park in Big Sur.
nbsp; nbsp;
 Eve said,
 "
Oh,  Rick took us there.
nbsp;
 He told us that you made him promise never to take another girlfriend there,  and he hasn't.
nbsp;
 Of course,  that made me start crying all over again.
nbsp;
 Another photo was of a street artist in San Francisco who made paintings using spray paint and can lids.
nbsp;
 Eve said that Rick had begged her on her last trip to San Francisco to please find that street artist and buy one of those paintings.
nbsp;
 She looked everywhere and even asked other street artists,  but couldn't find him.
nbsp;
 Eve and I looked at each other,  realizing that Rick had intended to send that picture to me.
 &
nbsp;
 I was gratified to know that he still thought of me.
nbsp;
 I guess I already knew that,  because he kept emailing me.
 &
nbsp;
 I told Eve and Bob about how after we broke up,  Rick opened a brokerage account in my name using my social security number and forging my signature.
nbsp;
 He invested some money and built it up to about $ 3500.
nbsp;
 Apparently he intended to build it up to quite a bit,
 and then turn it over to me.
nbsp;
 But at the end of the year he got the 1099- DIV and realized that I would be in big trouble with the IRS if I didn't declare this on my income tax.
nbsp;
 So he had to 'fess up and mail everything to me.
 &
nbsp;
 I guess that was the point that I finally stopped ignoring his emails,  and we began our correspondence.
nbsp;
 At one point he asked,
 "
Will I ever see you again?
nbsp;
 I wrote back with one word:
 "
No.
nbsp; nbsp;
I was to marry Craig in April,
 and he went on to marry Carolyn in August.
 &
nbsp;
 This is going to sound terrible,  but the one thing I can take satisfaction in is that Rick died longing for me.
nbsp;
 I know he loved his wife,  but the absent one is always the one who becomes idealized.
nbsp;
 In a sense I am doing this with Rick now that he is dead.
nbsp;
 I have to force myself to remember all the rotten things he did too,
 like cheating on me with Caroline.
nbsp;
 And I have to remember that Craig is my true love,  the one who cares for me AND my daughters.
nbsp;
 Damn Craig for being gone all this week at that stupid Juggling Convention.
nbsp;
 If he were here,  I wouldn't spend so much time absorbed with Rick.
nbsp; nbsp;
 I need my Craig.
 &
nbsp;
 To further mess with my head,  when I returned&
nbsp;
to the hotel room after&
nbsp;
visiting Eve and Bob,  Shelby announced,
 "
Wendy has been talking to Rick.
nbsp;
 Wendy promptly produced a letter that she had done using her " guided writing"
 (
which is where one communicates with,  and writes down the words of,  a dead person)
nbsp;
 I sat down and started reading the letter and began to cry all over again.
nbsp;
 Because it sounded like Rick's words.
nbsp;
 Either that,  or Wendy has an uncanny memory of details that occurred over six years ago.
nbsp;
 One phrase that stood out was " my precious Math teacher"
nbsp;
 Rick always called me precious.
nbsp;
 But&
nbsp;
this was&
nbsp;
always during private moments.
nbsp;
 &
nbsp;
How could Wendy know that?
nbsp;
 Coincidence?
nbsp;
 I have never had a boyfriend or husband call me " precious"  except Rick.
nbsp;
 It was always " sweetie"
 "
sweetheart"
 "
honey"  or " babe"
nbsp;
 Today on the drive home I asked Wendy,  as she was waking up from a nap,
 "
Wendy,
 do you remember what Rick's pet name for me was?
nbsp;
 She said,
 "
No.
nbsp;
 I pressed,
 "
Do you remember what he used to call me?
nbsp;
 A nick name?
nbsp;
 She said,
 "
No.
 &
nbsp;
 So now,  I have to consider that Wendy may in fact be psychic,  and not schizophrenic.
nbsp;
 If people believe in God,  including me,  aren't spirits in the realm of possibility?
 &
nbsp;
 Yesterday I was wandering around the " Dessert Passage"  shops in Aladdin while the girls were off shopping.
nbsp;
 Of course,
 I was lost in thoughts of Rick,  when suddenly I realized what song was playing in the b.
g.
 "
As I lay me down to sleep"  by Sophie B.  Hawkins.
nbsp;
 This was a special song that Rick and I shared.
nbsp;
 Another coincidence?
nbsp;
 No,  at that point I firmly believed that Rick was sending me a message that he was a spirit now.
 &
nbsp;
 Well,  this is enough for today.
nbsp;
 I'm glad to be home,  even though Skittles peed all over the carpet.
