  I think about being in love quite often. nbsp;  How I was and I am no longer. nbsp;  The last time I& nbsp;
saw& nbsp; Ernest was a few months ago. nbsp;  He was standing outside the door of my apartment with a bum knee. nbsp;
 I was late for class. nbsp;  We spoke briefly,  he was awkward and stuttering which upset me. nbsp;  How could he be nervous?
nbsp; How could he have left if he& nbsp; ever truly loved me? nbsp;  I had nothing to say,
 so& nbsp; I walked away. nbsp;  The first thing I did was call my boyfriend to tell him how much I loved him. nbsp;
 He was at a meeting& nbsp; with my ex- roommate. nbsp;  He had invited me to a movie,
 but I had so much work to do. nbsp;  I made a point that evening to get my work done early,  so I could be with him. nbsp;  He had already made other plans.
nbsp;  It was her birthday. nbsp;  It was odd that I was specifically not invited. nbsp;  I put up a bit of a fight.
nbsp;  Our relationship was basically over at that point. nbsp;  He kept starting fights with me. nbsp; nbsp;
Michael said I was& nbsp; selfish for not respecting his friendship with her ( an issue we had argued over since we got together) nbsp;  &
nbsp;  I apoligized for overreacting and tried to explain myself. nbsp;  I told him what happened,  he never apoligized,  he only accused.
nbsp;  When I walked away from Ernest I was upset,  for the first time I wanted to be with my current boyfriend over Ernest. nbsp; nbsp;  I thought&
nbsp; we had been together for over a year, nbsp; Michael deserved my affections. nbsp;  So,
 I let my past go. nbsp;  For the first time in the two years since we had broken up,  I felt okay about not being with him. nbsp;  I had finally found something else of meaning.
nbsp;  It wasn't passionate,  but it was consistent and well- meaning. nbsp;  I thought we improved each other,
 I thought& nbsp; it was& nbsp; safe. nbsp;
 I am a fool. nbsp;  That was the last time I& nbsp; saw my ex- boyfriend,
 and it will probably stay that way. nbsp; nbsp; If I had known,  what I& nbsp;
know now,  I wouldn't& nbsp; have let that be the last time. nbsp;  That's it though,
 it's over,  no more dreams of passion,  no desire to trust. nbsp; nbsp; Michael&
nbsp; ruined my& nbsp; life and changed me future. nbsp;  I think of Ernest&
nbsp; often. nbsp; nbsp; Less so,  now that&
nbsp; I am single. nbsp; nbsp; While& nbsp;
I was with& nbsp; Michael I always felt pained that I& nbsp; was in love with someone else. nbsp;
nbsp;  He always told me that I had changed his& nbsp; life for the better and I thought that was enough. nbsp;  What I hold most dear in a relationship is fidelity,
 for him it was devotion.  & nbsp; We destroyed& nbsp; that which is&
nbsp; sacred in one another.  I got together with& nbsp; Michael to appease the pain. nbsp;
 It took many months before& nbsp; he started appearing in my dreams. nbsp;  He& nbsp;
wormed his way in and then ate his way out. nbsp; nbsp; nbsp; nbsp; nbsp;
nbsp; nbsp; nbsp; nbsp;
