  *she blinked as the rain flowed steadily down her face, masking the fact that it wasnt just the rain flowing from her eyes, and took a desperate breath. biting down hard on her already bloody and swollen lip, she struggled to keep the last of her broken sobs inside. curling tighter into the ball that she has made herself into, she rests her sopping wet head on her just-as-wet knees and willed herself to stop thinking. * Oh god..just please let it stop. I dont want to go through this again.. *slowly her shoulders stop shaking but as she lifts her head off of her knees, you can tell she is still crying. her slightly puffy, red eyes and the look of complete hopelessness are enough to make even the hardest man break down in tears. gazing from her spot in the corner of her balcony she looked over and down to the faraway land below and wished she had the courage to do what she had so often dreamt of.
* Just to make it all end...never feel anything again... *a hand lifted from around her knees and reached to the bar that supports the railing. holding onto it like a prisoner confined to their jail, her eyes go even more hopeless and lost and her shoulders begun shaking with the effort of keeping back the sobs that she had shut down inside of her, destermind to not let anyone hear her.
her eyes closed again she turned her face up into the pouring rain, savouring the feeling of her harshly warm tears mix with the soothing coolness of the rain drops. * The pain.. *a sob full of such lost hope and despair escaped from her mouth and she lost all of her determination to keep it all back, gods know she did it for long enough.
her body shook violently as she just let herself go, losing herself in her yearning for an end and her guilt for feeling such a way when she has such great friends. * But they dont know....they cant know...Torn..I'm so uncertain of what to do. I cant leep living this way. I have to do something! *the feeling of the need to take action grew in her until it was an all consuming fire, feeding at her mercilessly. yet she didnt move once. she didnt stand to throw herself from the balcony but nor did she cry out for help. She remained motionless. Stunned and weakend from the fire that was still burning inside of her. only now it had changed, instead of the need to do something there was the numbness, a feeling of...nothing.
* 
