  Earlier in the week I was complaining that my jeans could not handle all the technology and items I need to lug around with me at all times - my cellphone in one pocket, my palm pilot in another, my wallet in another - I walk around with enlarged hips sticking out.
Sometimes my cellphone would slip down further and I'd look like I was smuggling a bone. I lamented that it was socially unacceptable for men to carry purses, as that would be the most convenient solution to my paraphenalia woes. However, whilst shopping for new clothes on Thursday, I bought my first ever pair of cargo pants. Oh, how my life changed that fateful evening. The pockets! They're everywhere! They're not to be found in a negative, hip-enhancing locale, as they're half-way down to my knee! I can fit not only my wallet, my cellphone, and my palm pilot, but I can also fit things in that have yet to be invented. They're also the kind that convert to a pair of shorts should the conditions require an immediate change.
I'm sure the detached legs could even fit in some of these pockets. I may never have to change my clothes ever again with these self-changing pants. Another boon is they're so fucking comfortable . You don't realize the slight tug jeans have had against your bag until you've slipped on one of these sumbitches. And, although they're not tight, women look damn hot in them (provided they have a tight top on).
Levi's Jeans boasted in an ad a few years back that their jeans have been in style for hundreds of years. Guess what? Jeans are going the way of the Dodo, the velociraptor, and Christianity. If you haven't obtained a pair yet, get cargo pants right now. Steal them if necessary. You'll thank me, your children will thank me, and your children's children will thank me. 
