  I had an interesting experience in the defecatorium (washroom) just now. I commenced the procedure as prescribed by proper United Nations Shitting Guidelines: I gave a cursory inspection of the seat, lowered the pants and undergarments, sitting upon the bowl (inner seat down), and preparing to expell the defecant through the anal orifice.
Keep in mind, throughout the entire procedure, a seal between my buttocks and the seat remained just that - a seal. Nothing could get in or out without being observed directly by me. During the defecation, I noticed that the air was more "stank" than usual. Stank usually isn't as acrid as it was in this case, due to the turds being safely underwater, preventing an odious escape. Something's afoot, the Sherlock Holmes in me determined, but what? What, I ask you? I ASK YOU THIS NOW! When I got up to wipe, I discovered much to my dismay that a rogue turd, not unlike George W. Bush * , had somehow wedged itself between the toilet seat and my buttocks, leaving its remains on both.
"WHA' HAPPEN'? " I screamed to myself. I cleaned up, washed, and left. So I put it to you: how did this happen? I suspect one of the following hypotheses to be correct, but I'll need further supporting evidence, possibly by an eyewitness or two.
When shitting, I either passed out through my own accord or by some sort of poisoning. Whilst passed out, a malevolent force, physical or otherwise, placed a turd upon the seat before arousing me from my slumber. The Second Asshole Theory. I have a hidden, separate rectum with no visible opening. What triggers it? I must replicate the events of the past two days to see if I can recreate the event. This has happened to me before. This time, I'm glad I noticed it before I pulled my pants up. * I couldn't resist. 
