  I just read the newest entry in Elly K's diary, and in it, she said something like she would sit, drink tea, and think. SHe would wonder if what she was doing was right. She would wonder if the music indusrty was right for her, and things like theat.
But when she did it last time, she stoped, and told herself that what she was thinking was wrong. She was healty, and Happy, and alive. The sky outside was still blue. She shoulden't worry so much, and was just so inspired by that. I wish that I could just escape myself, and think. But I am afraid of what I would think about.
A mind can be very dangerous, and if used improperly, can be just horrible. I just wish that I could dive deep into thought, and just answer personal questions. But when I try, all I see is darkness, or a face of someone I know... Is that bad? Or is it just that I am young, and I shoulden't see anything powerful yet? Thinking so much, and writeing about Elly is making me crave tea.. lol. And I hate tea!! lmao. Alright, I have returned with Tea.. I haven't tried it yet, too Hot, and it's still mixing. It smells wonderful though. I had to get the one with Peppermint in it.. my favorite! I can smell the lemon in it too.. yummy! Still too hot for me, though.. I know, Im a wuss, oh well ;) ANd it's strange, Im listening to Purple Sky by Elly, and it has an amazing piano chords in it, and smelling all the different things in the tea.. and its soo calming.
I just tried the Tea, and it is really good, a little too watery, but thats my fault, haahaahaa. But the warmth is just coating my throat. Now I know why Elly does this! I'm gonna become a Caramal Latte and Tea person, lol. Thanks, Elly. :) OK, now back to my title question: What am I Doing With My Life? I am 15, 16 on Friday, and I know what I want to do with my life.
I want to be a Criminal Profiler for the F.B.I in New Jersey, and I will be taking classing for that this year, and I have a feeling that I will acheive this, but, right now. Today, Tomorrow, what am I doing with my life? I stay at home all day, I never go out with friends, I don't really have any good friends. And for a 16 year old thats scary and sad. I have never been out on a date, the last movie I saw was... Darkness Falls.
The last phone call I got was like a week after school let out. The only thing I can do right now is hope that with me joinging the Tennis team, and me being more social, I can get some friends. I know that in College, I plan on being different. I want to be the person I want to be. And I think that if I am away from my past, and.... well... family, I can acheive that. The person I want to be is me, just more self confident, more likable. I want to be happy with who I am, and what I look like. I just want to be content with myself. I want to look in a mirror, and be happy with what I see, and know that if given the oppertunity, I still woulden't change a thing about me.
Is that really so hard? Is that wish so impossible to be granted? I almost think that the things I want can never be acheived, like something is keeping me grounded, and ... unhappy. I could never guess what, though. No matter what obsticals I face, I just want to be happy with my choices. I want to be able to look back at my life, and smile. I just don't want to regret anything, but I already do when I look back.
I regret not telling Shawn how I really feel. And I will regret that every day for the rest of my life. I know that. I said something a long time ago, and I remember it word for word: "I will just let fate take its couse, and let destiny navagate. " " I hope I always remember that. I think it was one of those once in a lifetime quotes that you think of, you know?
Well, I think I have said all that I need to say, and my Tea is gone :) yummy, lol. The last drink is the best, all the flavor! ~~Breena P.S. Is there a poem in my mind somewhere?
When I die, let me go There is no use for those tears Save them for someone else They do not help me When I die, Say goodbye Then never remember my name I am gone for good Never to return But when I die Remember my words The rest is fate We will disappear eventually Like the wild wind Eh.. not my best, but what can you do? 
