  So yesterday did not feel like a humpday, the first Wednesday in a while to actually not do so. Wednesdays, as it turns out, are also shaping up to be the regular visits with Dr. P., whose cognitive based therapy is a welcome addition at this point. (I had some pretty interesting conversations with my mom about Dr. P., or rather the need to visit Dr. P., and the stigma associated with seeking professional help.
Something about can of worms, crazytalk, etc. ) Case in point (or so it would appear to her): I talked to Dr. P. today about this idea that's shackled me for a while now, and we tracked it down to a couple of things: Catholicism, my grandfather's death and how that day was the best day I had ever spend with my dad growing up, and how these good and bad events were mashed together inside me to produce a really janked-up karmic explanation for the occurence of things. And I mean I know better than to parcel or simple things out as such: good followed by bad, or bad followed by more bad.
But it's still a nagging gadfly to this day, that feeling, that idea that crikey! as soon as I'm aware of having a good day, something's going to come along and ruin it or check reality for me. Preposterous! exclaimed Dr. P. as he chugged on his pipe (or so, I gather, my mom imagines... and no I don't lie down on the couch, while I'm at it).
I understand this, and it does help to talk it through with an impartial observer in the person of Dr. P. Still and all, it's pretty bizarre that after leaving the session and feeling pretty good for a change (work's going fairly well, life overall is going very well too), I come home and get a cold bucket shower. So I try not to dwell and not associate events as such (noticing birds chirping, followed by possible infidelity). Nah, not this time! 
