  Monkey, remember when I was with Meng and it was a whole 4 years of self destruction? You were there telling me to get out. We were not as close friends then, but even you knew that it was a helpless relationship. Even then you felt that I should get out because it does me no good. You gave me a million and one reason why I have misjudge the Boy. You say its your bad for bitching too much about him to me.
You said I have misunderstood him. I never judge him Monkey. I do not hate or even dislike him. I do not know him and its not fair for me if I made judgement. What I was trying to tell you was simply, he is NOT good for you. You are wasting away.
Being in college overseas is supposed to be a learning experience. You are supposed to enjoy and be able think back and miss the days. Not live in a constant shell like you are now. Woman, you know I do not judge you. No matter what you say or do. I do understand everything.
I have felt the same. There are days that Meng made me feel loved and so blissful too. Why? Not because he did anything special, but because I loved him so much that if he pays normal attention to me, I would feel that he is so loving. Do you reckon its the same for you now? You love him.
That much is beyond a shadow of doubt. Does every simple thing he does for you seems so loving? The simple gesture that he did in Woolies. That made you felt happy and loved. Why? I guess he does love you, and that is his way of showing that he cares.
But I have a second guess, could it be that you are so depreived of his affections and attentions, that a simple offer as such could make you feel 100% better? When you hunger for something long enough and bad enough, every simple thing seems to make you feel happy. I am worried for you, woman. I am very worried. I feel so happy and glad when you are fine and happy. When you are feeling on top of the world, I felt so relieved and glad for you.
I can feel your happiness from your blog. But when you are down and lonely, I feel your mood too. It hurts to be feeling so lonely. You deserve better. Please consider yourself more. Be abit more selfish.
Enough bending over backwards for a love affair that is loopsided. Enough mothering a young boy that does not know how to respond appropriately. Enough tears and constant nagging worries. He is not your child. He is supposed to be your lover, your best friend, your comfort and your support. You are the only person that knows deep down how you feel.
You may love him with all your heart and soul. But until some compromise and respect is given to you, you are only emptying yourself into a shadow of what you are. I care, therefore I say all these. I do not intend to hurt or insult you. I hope you understand. Do love yourself more. 
