  OH my god. I can't believe what I just heard. I'm totally in shock and have promised not to say anything. but OMG! if you happen to read this dude...you are so intelligent, so it's not that. maybe this is for the best. Hey maybe you could even come and visit me. okay so always thinking about myself. But really I'm sorry and I feel for you I've been very very close to that position. many times. it fucking sucks. I miss you and love you. Keep yourself well. 
