  Well, There's just one thing i wanna start off with. LIFE SUCKS! it really does. Life is extremely unfair. I wish it creted us with all the same advntages, appearances, and abiities. But, It hasnt, and as a result, Some of us ae less suited to find a.. Partner. This blog is essentially A young man's Journey throught the Emotional world which we live in. There is not really a place a to start, but at the beginning... But to this.. Story of sorts, there is no beginning, scince love is an eternal thing.
one thig is guess i could start oof with is that, continuing on with my first line, Women are at an advantage when it comes to finding a partner. They don't have to worry about going and asking this person to go out or having to impress them. Relaly, i dont think its about impressing someone, but about getting their attention. you know, for someone like me, considering I'm not that much of a very outgoing person, its ard to get someones atention. And even if i do, i dont really know what to say or do. It just happened. I dont know (Or even thinkO that the person was interested, but i kinda just "Blew' her off.. It's not that i didnt want to talk, but i just didnt know what to say... Its really strange. I hate This. God.... I wish there was a better way to go through this part of my life. I wish that this whole process was simpler. AHHH!
LIFE SUCKS!
And the way i seem to deal with it is to just escape from it all, Which REALLY does NOT help me with the Meeting and interacting parts of the process.
Television, Music, Computer, Books, and sleep ae all ways i use to escape from it.. I don;t know if Roleplaying improves or degrades my social skills.. It would seem that it would make them better, But who knows? Sometimes i dream about this person.. I don't know who they are, but... They aways give me a mixed effect.. Sometimes i feel better.
Sometimes not. I remember a dream i had, and after it, I felt like maybe there was a chance of finding someone... And a dream i had lately just made me feel worse. Like... I felt horribly lonely. I just want someone to love, and someone whi loves me for who i am, not what i look like (Not that my looks help or anything like that...) or what i have or wear. (Not much help, either...) I feel so lonely, Like there is noone who gives a Flip about me.. I hate this feeling, yet love it at the same time.
Because for a while, these feelings went away. That was a period when i found someone that i "Liked". She was a classmate, but it was a really stupid crush, because i did very stupid things. I handeled it like i was a child, and it was not helpful.... I mean, we didnt have a negative relationship or anything, its just that i didnt handle it like i was a mature "Young Man" or whatever you want to call it... >.> I made a lot of mistakes, And i was Blinded.. I didn't See that this person already had a relationship with someone else.. That really hurt me, The fact that i was so stupid.. God... Even so, i am glad i had the crush, (BTW, the crush was a realtively short one.. 3 months. ) because it made me realize some things. And i wont make those mistakes again. (God.. I hope that person doesnt find this page... X[) But, in the case that she does, GOD! I am so sorry for the stupid things i did and said! I was very naieve, and dudnt understand. But thank you for treating me the way you did.
You were a great help to me.. Well, back to what i was talking about before. Sometimes i feel like I'm "In Love" (If i can even begin to know what that feels like. ) With my future wife. Even though i might not have met her yet (If there is even a wife out there for me!
) I like to think that she is out there, In love with me too... I know that sounds REALLY wierd and everything, but i want to respect her like i should... I've tried to figure out how I should act, and i hope it will pay off someday... I really hope there is someone out there for me, and if there is, i hope I'l be the kind of person that they really want. I probably have a lot to learn and a lot of room to grow... This probably all sounds very Strange, and you might think i am wierd for writing something about emotions, considering i am a guy. But i should go, because my Laptop battery is about to go dead. If i get this up, Uhh.. Well anyway.. Thats it. ~Black Sheep~ 
