  I just wrote this bastard post and it disappeared so forgive me if I am not at my poetic best because I am writing from scratch ;-) As you may have gathered by now very few will be privy to these words that I write and it is very likely the case that no-one that I have come face to face with will be reading them, at least not anyone I have previously come face to face with.
Today the world does not seem the same dark place it was yesterday, it seems different. That is not to say the world is brighter, more vibrant, more exhilarating, just different. I know this is just because I got some decent sleep, in truth I think sleep deprivation contributes heavily to my depressive mood. Haha 3.30am and I just got a call from a Welsh guy asking if I would play in the university golf team. Practical joke? Sounded suspiciously like Marcus, but could have been anyone to be honest. Withheld number too! Yeh so anyway, I really have to try and find some work this week, I know it is essential to my wellbeing to relieve financial pressures and establish some kind of routine, at the moment I could stay in bed and rot or just slide off the face of the earth and no-one would notice. A few things are striking me at the moment. I sometimes wonder if it would be worthwhile being a politician but despite being a right wing Tory at heart I know the only way that the world's problems will ever be solved is in the purest form of communism, an ideal that will never exist or be accepted, capitalism rules and we are merely ants running in the colony, mice on the wheels, anyone feeling truly sorry for themselves? Go live and work in fucking India for a while, sew fucking footballs or maybe work the mines.....now that's sorry, especially when you earn less than a quid a week.
Some people have no choice. We do. That's why while I feel down I will never fold. I am feeling particularly unattractive at the moment. I need a hair cut quite seriously, although I am not adverse to growing it a while and keeping it a little longer, what really bugs me though is my body. Since being home I have barely done any exercise. I must have lost 2 inches off my chest. Gone are the days when the least I would do was 100 press ups a night. I feel like I have a flabby gut too, but I know no alcohol would solve that. 'All night life goes by in the doledrum'.
Nice lyric. I relate. The LA's were an underrated band, I know 'There She Goes' had it's success and it should for it is the finest ode to heroin I know of, but jees it was a great album and it makes me sad that Lee Mavers won't allow any music he has written since to see the light of day!! He has been stockpiling tracks for like 14 years now....the frustration. Mind you he is a bit mad.
I have had both Olly and Matt Ryznar offer me somewhere to go visit this weekend (or any time basically) and although I haven't said I will I really hope I can. It would be a great release and they are two of my best mates that I never see. It really hurts me the way Jeeawock has gone, my oldest mate in the world, and he never bothers with me, not even to say how are you.
I really wonder why, he is ashamed of his girlfriend or something. Come to think of it NONE of my mates at home have ever talked about their girlfriends. It is the biggest boys' club in history. I love girls. I should be off, it is now 5am, I have been drinking alone for 2 nights on the trot, no small amount either.
From now on drink is banned, I want to get leaner and it isn't acceptable. My eyes are heavy and bed is sounding my name, Sadie good luck in your new situation and I pray you will be as well as you can possibly be when you leave, Mel....um.....don't leave the country you bastard (or words to that effect) and anyone else that is reading Hi!!
If you want I'll sell you a life story About a man who's at loggerheads With his past all the time He's alive and living in purgatory All he's doing is rooming in hotels And scooping up lots of wine There was once a boy of life Who lived upon a knife He took his share of everywhere But he never took a wife... He was born to live like a mercenery Well personally I think that's fine If you're in the right mind He was burned by the twentieth century Now he's doing time In the back of his mind He can hear them outside Better run, rabbit, run Run into the sun Kick your heels in the killing fields Run rabbit run You're a son of a gun 
