  I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home. My family is bugging me so much right now. I can't take it. And all I've been doing for the past 2 hours is cry. This one guy that I liked is now going out with my ex best friend.
Although she still sortta has a boyfriend, who i hooked her up with by the way... Anyways, one night earlier this month, she calls me all in a tither because she wants to have sex with him, and she wanted advice. So I talked to her, and listened to her forever talk about her perdicament. She told me how much she loved him, and how much she trusted him, and would never want to break up with him. Now she pulls a stunt like this. Kissing another guy in her backyard, while she still has a boyfriend. Oh yeah, and she was well aware that I liked this guy, but did that seem to bother her?
No. That, to me anyways, is about as low as u can sink. Cheating on your boyfriend, and hurting one of your best friends who's been their for you for everything all at the same time. I can not even begin to describe how hurt I was when i found out that tonight. He broke the news to me about 2 hours ago, and I still haven't stoped crying. I don't know why, but their's just something about this one guy that really attracted him to me, and now he likes my friend, who i introduced him too.
I feel so used. And hurt, but I already said that one. I dont' even know what to type. I can't go to bed because I'm such a wreck, and i'm in the middle of freaking nowhere. I have no one to talk to, so i'm putting it all down on paper, but nothing's helping. I'm begining to feel that familiar old feeling.
The one where I'm helpless, and in so much pain, and can't cope with the realization that their's nothing that i can do about it. And u know what i did before when that feeling kicked in? I went into the bathroom, pulled up my shirt sleve, took a razorblade out of the drawer, pressed it against my wrist, and pulled. As I watched the blood drip down, it was calming. There was a soothing effect. Just thinking about it is calming.
And I know that their's a razor blade upstairs in my backpack. I always carry one with me still; just out of habbit. Something inside of me is urging me to go upstairs and get it, but I can't. I promised myself, and so many other people that I would never do that again. But one of the people I promised that to was my friend I was talking about earlier. So what does that promise mean anymore?
nothing, so all in all, would it be ok? No. I know the answer. I'm not that stupid. Even if i think blood is cool, I would never be an idiot. My god.
I just was mulling over this with my friend, the guy from above, and his reaction: "Fuck you. Bye". I don't know what I did! Now he's not talking to me, and all my problems are coming back. Whatever. If he's gonna be that insensitive to my problems, and not even listen to a reason, then he's not the friend I thought he was.
Shit. I thought the crying had stoped, but it hasn't. Here comes another tidle wave. Fuck him and his drama then. I dont' need ppl like that to fuck things up for me anymore. I'm going to sleep ani 
