  I just read Erica's blog. I had been waiting for her to post. She said a lot of stuff and it just really bugs me. Yesterday, it took so much to just try to get myself to ask her if she wanted to be there for my birthday. I honestly really wanted her there but it was a question of whether she wanted to be there. I didn't know and I was afraid she'd ignore me or just say no.
I really missed her and wished everything could be okay again. I got myself to ask her and she said she could come. I saw Martin's display picture on MSN and thought it was really funny. It was a picture of him and Roger on White Water Canyon, looking really scared. The funny & cute part of the picture is the fact that they were really little. As in age-wise.
It was just priceless. I thought about Erica the moment I started laughing at it and I knew that she was probably still mad at me and wanted me "out of her life". Since she wasn't ignoring me, I decided to tell her to look at Martin's display picture and said that I hoped it would bring a smile on her face. She couldn't see it so I told Martin to send it to her. He said I was a good friend to do that but I'm not so sure about that... She got it at last and thought it was funny too, I think. She said "lol" or something so yeah.
I just assumed she liked it. We talked a bit more about other things and yeah. She has no idea how badly I wanted things to be back to the way they were. No idea. I really wanted everything to be okay again, before this whole thing. In her blog, she said that she was gonna take back what she said but then she read her comment on her blog page and wasn't so sure again.
It was I who left a comment on her blog page. I wrote some stuff to clarify some things and I... I said that it wouldn't be a problem to stay out of her life. I guess I was just letting my pride get in the way again. I know that it isn't a problem, but it's not something I want to live with. Like I said, no matter what happens Erica would always be the one I go running to anyway.
Even with the littlest things. She says I lecture her but I wouldn't know if I do or not. I don't mean to do a lot of things that I do. I mean, I'm me! It's typical of me to not know what I'm doing half the time. I think before I act or speak most of the time too!
I've tried acting perfect and nice. I've tried being Miss Nice Person but it's just... not me. Does everyone really think I love little kids? Sure, they're cute! Sure, they're nice! But I only like kids when they're nice!
I wanna freak out everytime they start climbing all over me or bug me when something needs to be done that's actually serious with my friends. They do get on my nerves! But most of the time, I try to keep on a smile and just laugh along with them. Some of them are really nice (sincerely), some of them are annoying, and some of them just like bugging me on purpose. I'm not super-friendly. I'm not a great listener.
I don't give the best advice in the world... And most of all, I act like a mom to Erica more than a best friend because I care about her a lot and I don't want anything to happen. Yeah, I guess I'm over-protective, but it's only 'cos I care. She knows I do. It hurted that she had second thoughts about things. I really missed her. I wanted to be back in her life.
I wanted things to be back to the way they were... even if we got on each other's nerves all the time. I love Erica as a best friend... I still care. Even if she wants me out of her life, I'd still care about what she does... I can't do anything about what she does but I still care so much... I just want her back. 
