  Ok, this is a subject that i've been thinking about for a while, and it's kind of become quite a large part of my life. I always used to be one of those people who said they would never drink. I was quite determined, but as with everything in life, when something really big changes get made, theres mostly nothing you can do about it. As i approached the end of the school, and began to faze it out in my mind, there was a space available, and thats where drinking came in, at first it was just a few now and then, but we started to have more parties etc and i started to drink more gradually, it really feels like something clicked, and my previous attitude suddenly seemed stupid, i reallised how much more fun it was being drunk than sipping along and remaining completly sober. I thought, why am i denying myself this. I guess i have drink to thank for forcing me to see the bigger picture. I began to think about my whole life and what my aims were. I began to think that i could do a lot worse that drinking, having a good time with friends, doing drugs now and again, and dying young, at least i would have had a good time. And in the end isnt that the point, i became a firm believer that this was all there was to life, you can get a good career, and try to change the world if you want to, and if you manage it thats a huge bonus!
But really, you're only really living when you are on the edge, partying, drinking, pushing yourself, in short widening your perspective by becoming something that you aren't normally, and of course having fun. And who wants to live till they are 60 anyway, you can't do anything good, you're outdated and useless. So I begun to drink more and more, and i was fine, nothing bad happened and I was finally living, at least i thought i was. I still drink a lot now, but im starting to think about it again, its like my old logical mind is arguing with my new ideas.
I also cant shake the feeling that drink seems best when im down anyway. I keep thinking that all it really is is a way of escaping, a method of distancing myself form the real world. I know this is the most popular view. And afterall, i've spent my life so far trying out ways of distancing myslelf, but more on that another time. So now im not sure what to do, ill keep you posted. 
