  So it's about 4 am right now. nbsp;  I just played Tales of Symphonia for a good while and decided to look back on past entries. nbsp;  I scrolled down to my first few that mentioned Jackie. nbsp;
 Gosh,  it was probably 4/ 22. nbsp;  Three months ago. nbsp;
 Three months ago I could just see the tip of her destructive force creeping out. nbsp;  'I'm not a good girlfriend'. nbsp;  Why didn't I listen? nbsp;
 I was so blinded,  so suckered in by those brown eyes. nbsp;  My God,  I am a fool. nbsp;
 I was a hold off,  a& nbsp; temporary. nbsp;  She would say things like,
 'Bryan,  if I stopped talking to you I would just die'. nbsp;  Well,  as far as I know she's still alive. nbsp;
 WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO MY FRIENDS? nbsp;  MYSELF? nbsp;  MY PARENTS? nbsp;
 Everyone was telling me to get out. nbsp;  Everyone. nbsp;  Samantha kept instilling faith in me,  saying we were a great couple.
nbsp;  THERE WAS NO COUPLE! nbsp;  It was her dragging me around to satisfy her own interests. nbsp;  Jackie kept telling me she'd mature,
 she'd want a relationship,  eventually . nbsp;  Even Jackie's mom said that she would do this. nbsp;  Why could I not see a definite problem here?
nbsp;  Am I so ignorant,  so blind to my own senses? nbsp;  If the mother of the girl you're trying to date tells you not out of malice,  but sympathy that her daughter will posion my heart,
 there must be some great wrong. nbsp;  Nay,  I was arrogant. nbsp;  I thought I could walk through,
 unscathed. nbsp;  I wanted to brave the storm and prove to myself what a good guy I was. nbsp;  How her inherent nature would be overcome by my charm and good nature. nbsp;
 How decieved I was. nbsp;  I could see the end from the very begining,  but I was paralyzed. nbsp;  I have once been told,
 that 'dating is for dumping',  and that 'you should draw a realization of what you want in a wife,  from every person you date'. nbsp;  I would agree. nbsp;
 I learned two things from Jackie. nbsp;  First,  if your friends,  your girlfriend,  your girlfriend's mom,
 and your own parents tell you something is wrong,  they're probably right and you should reevaluate the relationship you are pursuing. nbsp;  Second,  I need a relationship that is a constant battle. nbsp;
 All she ever talked to me about was,  'yeah,  sarah beth blah blah',  'james showed me his wang',  'I'm wearing that skirt you hate',  'American Idol is cool',
 and other useless information,  not worth a neuron in my skull. nbsp;  I want someone whose very look sends me into argument. nbsp;  If she would argue,
 it would end with,  'I hate arguing w/  you',  or some rhetoric which she is saying simply to change subjects. nbsp;  I need my relationship to be a battlefield,
 and my girlfriend and I to be opposing armies. nbsp;  I want debate without concession. nbsp;  I want the battlefield to be stained red with our blood. nbsp;
 My father's wife does not argue w/  him. nbsp;  He comes from an earlier era and that is to his liking. nbsp;  My brother however,
 cannot go ten minutes without arguing with Elizabeth,  and they love each other intensely. nbsp;  That is what I want. nbsp;  I want to find a girl who is on par with me.
nbsp;  Someone I can cross swords with and be unwary. nbsp;  If she was a gamer,  all the hotter. nbsp;
 But she MUST ,  be someone I respect and more importantly fear intellectually. nbsp;  I believe in a thing called love.
