  One cry, and I stumble from bed, cow-heavy and floral In my Victorian night-gown. - "Morning Song" - Sylvia Plath I'm a nursing momma. My daughter is almost 2 1/2 years old, and she still nurses. If you are hearing this and are offended, well I'm sorry you haven't the depth of understanding of what this means. So let me clarify, "Campbell" (name changed to protect the innocent), is not holding on to my nipple for dear life and nourishment. I think most people suspect, when they hear me say that she nurses, that Campbell, is soley nourished through mothers milk (and unhealthily dependent).
Nursing is much more like a snack between meals at this age. But even this has faded. Its more for an emotional bond with mommy, and a sleep aid at this point. She "nurses" in the day for mommy time, and nurses at night for a pacifier. Most people would never have a clue of this, unless I told them or felt they were "safe" enough to nurse Campbell in front of. Occasionally there is the public milkdown...er, Was that a Freudian slip or what?...
MeltDowns (Sorry folks, it came out as I was typing)....Where Campbell will be grabbing at my breast for dear life like someone on fire looking for water. "I want some milky" she will say. Sometimes screaming or crying for this mommy time, in places where I don't feel comfortable. Sometimes when I'm holding her or carrying her, she will try to slip her hand down my shirt and literally grab my breast and try to pull it up for nursing. This is very comical. And sometimes, she will just place her hand on my breast, down my shirt for comfort.
What is so funny is that many women in my family and some friends, have been grabbed for some "Milky. " I simply had to explain to Campbell, that when they are mommies they will have milk, too. She laughs and giggles about it, but she doesn't quite understand yet. She will still try ever so often to latch on to her Aunt Allie during bath time. Aunt Allie is my twin. To explain night nursing, that's another thing.
Campbell is so dependent on nursing to sleep, that ever since she was born, I have not had one wink over three hours continuously. Well, except for recently, after her first waking she will sleep a longer period of time. However, she wakes up an hour 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours to have "milky" after first putting her down, then she might sleep for 3 hours tops, followed by the hour 1/2 to 2 hours before she wakes up, where she will remain latched on till waking. Let me explain why, whenever she awakens, its during a light awakening. Babies and Tots spend more time in light sleep because their brains are developing, if they were to spend just as much time in deep sleep as adults their growth would be minimal compared to their growth in the first three years. Along with brain development, much time for babes and tots is spent in light sleep soley for the purpose of survival.
Its amazing to think that the will to survive is embedded so deep within our cells, that its not something we even need to think about. Truly amazing, being all that babies have when they are fist born are uncontrolled movement and unintelligible vocals. Their sheer will to survive is beyond any concept that they could ever fathom. When Campbell was born, she cried much and barely slept. She was very alert and seemed to be taking so much in that in overwhelmed her. Many times though, I stressed over the fact that something could be wrong, in the sense that I was projecting that she was never happy.
Or, that I ruined her in womb. Instead of seeing this as a spirited child, which she truly is and happy at that, I thought there was nothing I could do. So when it was time for sleep, I nursed her. This seemed the only thing I could do to get her to sleep. This was good and bad. Good, because we both could get some sleep, but bad because it only lasted a very short hour - hour 1/2 before I would have to nurse her back to sleep and usually stay in the same position with my breast in her mouth so that she would stay asleep.
Now, time has passed by and the sleeping stretches are longer, but I'm still not getting enough sleep to be completely rested. I've trained my baby to depend on my breast for sleep. However, this in no way has made her dependent on me for much else. She is securely attached, enough to be without me and be with other people. She is very independent. People think nursing conceives a needy child.
Quite the opposite is true, the more you let go and give in to their needing you, the sooner they will always trust you to be there, the sooner they will want the hell to get away from you :) Seriously, nothing else would do for her - No pacie, no animal, blanket, or anything, just me. I'm her lovey. I also realize that time presents itself for everything when all parties are willing to concede. This is the time. I know I can now set a boundary, so that I may get more sleep, and so will she, but still be there for her to comfort, hug, kiss, sing, etc (we co-sleep). I know now that as long as I am "there" for her, allowing her to have her feelings with me, she is safe, cared for, and loved.
She will understand her importance is equal to mine, that my sanity and good mothering is enhanced with sleep. She is the Center of the Universe, but not the only one in it. I start tonight. We have talked for a week or so about it, how when we first laydown to go nite nite that she may have "milky," but when she wakes up anytime after in the night, we will not have it. But when she sees daylight, she may have milky again. Cold Turkey is not a good idea.
I've been nursing her way to long to be cruel and stop all at once, plus I want to avoid Mastistitis (sp). That's breast engorgement. Very painful. So each day I will do this until she eventually sleeps althroughout the night, without my help. Then that should create a domino effect for nursing overall. So Wish me best wishes!
Here goes for a new chapter for us both. P.s. I will be adding links soon under the pseudo and appropriately titled "Playgroups" - these will be the blogs that inspire me, and interest me, the place where this mommy can go to have a sense of community. P.s.s More blogs to come on: TWINS, PUNK ROCK MOMMIES, SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION, Exotic Fever, Campbell stories and lessons I learned from her, and more, something about death, (its something that you think about often once you have children, and let me rephrase, the fear of...When you are young). I will also be listing music that have been playing around here in this house, as well as shot outs and dedications! 
