  I alternately feel determined and hopeless in my quest to change my body from a fatty fat to a hottie hot.
nbsp; nbsp;  I have 20 plus years of sins to eradicate and sometimes I think I am kidding myself. nbsp;  It's been only three weeks since I started seeing a trainer ( oh if only I could be saying that same sentence and ending it with the word " socially"  so I realize any changes that may possibly be occuring are hidden under inches of blubber. nbsp;
 I say this not to continue to beat myself up but because tonight I had a minor victory.
nbsp;
 Mind you,  the operative word is minor,  but I still consider the following a victoy.  Over the past three weeks Jose has attempted to get me to do crunches.
nbsp;
 Not the garden variety mind you,  I am able to do those;  but rather a special type of crunch I have never heard of,  nor has anyone I have inquired has quite understood as well.
nbsp;
 While lying on the mat,  he has&
nbsp;
me raise my legs vertically.
nbsp;
 As I take the form&
nbsp;
of a human equivelant of a right angle I am to do crunches.
nbsp;
 In the past I can barely get my legs up;  I think mostly because he has me do these crunches at the end of the workout,  when all my energy has been depleted.
nbsp;
 I don't like failing,  particularly in front of someone else&
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and more than that&
nbsp;
I don't ever want to let Jose down.
nbsp;
 I grant you that last part makes no sense,  what difference should it make if I let Jose down,  he is being paid to move my carcass.
nbsp; nbsp;
 But as much as he has my respect,  I so desperately need and crave&
nbsp;
his respect and support;
 I am reduced to a puppy dog to his Alpha Male.
nbsp;
 So tonight after the standard crunches he told me to raise my legs.
nbsp;
 &
nbsp;
I closed my eyes and&
nbsp;
raised my legs,  hoping I still had the strength to fulfill his request.
nbsp; nbsp;
To my surprise when I opened them they were,  more or less,  in the proper form.
nbsp;
 I was only able to do 10,  all the while grunting and panting;  but dammit,  I did them.
nbsp;
