  Well today was another slight. At the checkout at Hy Vee I was cashing in bottle deposit refund slips. The girl barely said anything to me, hardly looked at me at all. The guy behind me was a rail-thing guy with a beard. You could see her eyes light up and hear her chatting away with him about this and that. Jesus H. Fucking Christ, can it get anymore obvious?
I had the same thing happen several years ago at the bank. The teller was all squinty-eyed with me and curt and polite. Then a slim blonde guy behind me got to her window and she just lit up. Some would say that I'm being too sensitive. No I'm just good at picking up things like that, little non-verbal clues to whether they are happy to see me or are disgusted to be around me.
I don't know how many fatties are at the board. It's just that those that've posted pics there are mostly in good height-weight proportion and some quite attractive. And no one is sitting there hitting on me because I'm down or feeling vulnerable at times. No one wants to be near a fat guy. I don't even bother to post a hookup thread. Don't make me laugh. If I were a woman or a gq guy..................................... It's just time that I do something about this weight for more ways than just being attractive to women.
This anger I feel is what's going to drive me away from overeating and more exercise and weight loss. Screw the fat-hating world. But when the weight is off................................I can be as shallow as the next thin person. I'll pick and choose as I please. I'll also remember those who belittled me, those who rejected me. Even a dog remembers who kicked him. I'll carry that grudge to my grave thank you very much. I've used food for too long as a tranquilizer, to numb the pain of an oppresive upbringing.
But do most thin people look at that? No all they see is a fat guy. Cancer, Aids you name the affliction, the outpouring of sympathy is there. But being overweight? All they see is a person who can't control himself, a person they'd never love intimately, a person they'd never know would worship the ground they walk on. A person who'd risk life and limb for them. But that's fine. That's ok. This anger, this fiery-hot rage in the bottom of my soul will see me through. When the lard is off, fuck the world. I want a T-shirt with a fat pic of me on the front saying, "To those who rejected me when I looked like this Go to Hell.
" I really do. That is my deepest wish. God I hope there's sex in heaven. I sure as hell ain't getting my share down here. 
