  Alright, I don't know why I'm writing in this, No ones gonna see it, cuz I don't want to tell anyone.&nbsp;I think I just want to talk....or write....to something that is gonna listen and not think about how bad of a person I am. I totally and completely screwed up. With a capital "SCREWED" I dont even know why I did it. Yesterday was Fish day and I was supposed to call Nikki, and I didnt. I don't know why, but I didn't. I worked from 7am to 2pm, and I had a full 2 hours to call her on my break, but i didnt. then i got off of work at 6pm, and I still didnt. i wanted to call her, i tried to get myself to call her, but i couldnt.
i dont know why. why the hell would i do this to myself??? i just wanted to be with her all day, and i wouldnt even let myself call her, and i had so many opportunities. now she doesnt even want to talk to me, and i dont blame her. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of myself and why i would do this.
She's so great, and amazingly nice and always puts people in front of herself,&nbsp;and&nbsp;tons of other things that i&nbsp;cant get into because&nbsp;there isnt enough room on the internet,&nbsp;and i love to be around her and just wonder about how she can be all these things, and still like me.....at least i dont have to worry about this anymore, because she's never going to talk to me again, and i halfway hope she doesnt. for her sake. &nbsp; &nbsp; maybe ashley was right. 
