  I know what I have to do...the message and the path are clear yet I am not sure I can do it. I have put myself before a difficult situation. I should have guarded my heart, but I couldn't. I should have been cautious, but I was mesmerized by something so grand. Is this just a blinking light that caught my attention? Or is this a star among all the blinking lights? In many ways I think it's the latter. What a fool I was... Now I'm in a state where the decision has to be made and my own weaknesses are stronger than my strengths. One thinks this is strange for me to be in this situation. Another thinks I have to figure out what I really believe. The other thinks it's a great opportunity. The final one thinks I'm foolish for my involvement.
I'll run three miles and it won't take me anywhere. I'll fly 500 miles and I'll only be closer. What was I doing here in the first place? Why can't I find a simple path? Why am I always in these complex situations?Are my standards too high? This has brought me here. Finally one meets so many of my conditions and it's the path I ought not take...one condition is not met. I have talked to so many and none strike me. They have not been able to get my attention. They do not fascinate me.
They are too simple. They lack so much. I want nothing to do with them. I prefer to have nothing than to have them. Am I lonely? No, I was content. I was even scared that I was content. I had never been fine in that situation and yet for once in my life I was. What is wrong with me? I saw it all before me and I did not react. I knew, yet I did nothing.
I kept on. All my sleepless nights and days had finally been filled with ease and yet just as quickly as I am able to rest I am hit by reason, rationale, and religion. This is a wicked game, yet she didn't do it...I played it and I'm sufferring for it...It's strange what desire will make foolish people do. 
