  hey hey.. well right now im at my dads birthday party.. ooh he's over the hill.. Id be out partying but I've had way to much to drink and my head can't take the LOUD music anymore!
I know i shouldn't be drinkin but what the Fuck its a time to be happy and that is exactly what i asm doing at this time.. haha i know im pathetice.. i need to be drinkin to have fun.. but i had fun before i started drinkin.. its just a side attraction i guess.. like the sweet taste on my tongue.. might as well get the drinkin out of my system now then when i get to college.. then i will really buckle down because a career will be on the line! man it feels wierd.. my dad is turnin forty.. if he lives to be 80.. well that means he's half way done.. and thats just scary.. i now i shouldnt be thinkin like that but i cant help it.. its my biggest fear.. death.. we cant get away from it.. we just come closer to it.. will i be prepared when i leave?? i wanna think i am but then i feel like what if you dont believe in an after life... what the hell is there left..
NOTHING! why the fuck does that sound so bad... why cant their be like a way that we know what id really after this life.. but no... the human race.. the world.. isnt that lucky.. that great.... uh.. well my head is poundin.. haha im gonna find another drink and ill write tomorrow.. hopefully everything i wrote makes some sense.. i now its kinda random but all my thought arent in order at this point in time! 
