  2 in the morning and i just got off work sitting here thinking and listening to manhattans, kiss and say boodbye. what a beautiful song.&nbsp;I love music so much i believe i could sit and listen to it every second of the day.
There are so many beautiful love songs and great artist in this world. I wonder sometimes how they get these songs out of their heads. They touch so many hearts and lives. They stir up so many emotions in people. I know they do mine anyway. They really make you think about your &nbsp;life and what you have made of it. You know we all do things in our lives that effect so many people.
Sometimes i wonder why i do the things i do and why i do not learn from my mistakes. Listening to one song tonight has made me think about one very dear friend of mine. He is so sweet and kind, a wonderful man whom i have grown to care very much for in such a short time. He makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he stirs up so many emotions inside me . Emotions i have not felt in so many years if i ever did&nbsp;and he doesn't even know it.
well i think he does but like me he has a wall so damn hi no one can get over it. &nbsp; That freaking wall what do we do with it, god why can't we take it down and live our lives and be happy without worrys of the past and what might happen. God i just want to&nbsp;care about &nbsp;him and have him care as much for me.&nbsp;Why can't he understand me and see that i do not want to hurt him in any way. God please give me the strength to be paient and not chase him away for i do care so much for him.
I have never felt like this about anyone in my life. To talk to him, to hear his voice when he calls gives me so much peace in my heart. To look into his eyes and see what i see when he is laying next to me, to know he is so kind and gentle. To make love to him is something i can not explain, the feelings that come over me are so wonderful.
God what do i do, please tell me! &nbsp; all of these things scare the hell out &nbsp;me even though they should make me feel good. God i know one day i will lose him but i will cherish the time we have together and hope that one day we can break through that freaking wall that we both seem to be holding so high. God please give us both the strength to be patient and understanding we need to get through this.
Even if it means just being friends. Give him the strenght to look over some of these crazy things that i do , and the insight to see that i really do care so much for him. please don't let him run away from this. I did not mean to fall&nbsp;for&nbsp;him but i did and i can't help that. Please let him see that god. I know he is not ready for it but let him see that there is someone out there who care very much for him.
&nbsp; I know his life is so different from mine for so many reason, i know he has so many medical problems and his sight is not very good. But god that doesn't matter to me it's what is in the heart that counts. And deep down in my heart i know he is a kind, gentle,&nbsp;loving human being. And i know if we could get over these walls there is a life there for us together. If he could see into my heart right now i know he could&nbsp;care for&nbsp;me as i do him.
Because there is a very special place in my heart for him and will be forever no matter what happens to us.&nbsp; &nbsp; God to laugh again with him, to make love to him, to look at him, to touch him and have him touch me. what i would do to be happy again. God please let him see that our hearts can be connected&nbsp;even if it is only friends. Don't let us Kiss And Say Goodbye. &nbsp; &nbsp; 
