  Was sitting here reading some of my emails tonight and ran across this one it was so damn funny. It really made me laugh my ass off &nbsp;and these days thats doing something. Here it is worlds funniest love letter:&nbsp; Dear Connie, I know the counsellor said that we should not contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore that i would never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me.
I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending that I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who maakes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There is no one like you Connie. " I look for you in the breasts and eyes of every woman I see, but the are not you! They are not even close! Two weeks ago, I met this girl at a bar and bought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.
She was young, maybe 19, one of those perfect bodies that only youth can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just would not quit. Every mans dream,right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at all the stuff we have we have made important in our lives.
It's so superficial! Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. and I have never really thought about it before. Maybe I'm growing up a litle. Later after I had tossed her about half a pint of throat yoghurt, I found myself thinking,"Why do I find myself feeling so drained and empty?
" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her shamless slutty hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss.Why did I feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie I'm going crazy without you. And everything I do justs reminds me of you. Do you remember connie, that single mum that we met at the Holiday Inn last year? Well she dropped by last week with a lasagne. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but thats not the real story. Anyway we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we are banging away in our bedroom.. And this tart is a total monster in the sack. She is giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does whenshe is not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us.
And all of a sudden, she spots that old mirror on your grandmothers old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so that we can watch ourselves. And it's totaly hot, but it makes me sad, too. Because I can't help thinking, "why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this vanity fo what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy. Saturday your sister drops by with the copy or the restraining order. I mean, Josie's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she has been e real freind during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is.
So we are doing jello shots in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I canthink about is how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out that Josie's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us.
But do you see even then, when I am thrusting inside your sisters cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you! It's true Connie! In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same way please, please let me know! Otherwise, can you let me know where the fuckin' remote is! Love, Dan. 
