  well it has finally happened. despite various assertions of "i don't want a relationship" or "i dont want to date her," S has entered into coupleland one step, or maybe three, further. he will forgo hanging with me to be with her. understandably, i'm not putting out, so that is one of the first obvious things. but if it goes deeper, well then like i said, IT has finally happened. ug. nobody breaks plans with me for another girl.
and it was suggested that i was welcome along out for the night of drinking and music. but why on earth would i want to do that? no fucking way in hell. i am not going to be a third wheel. i am so pissed at myself for not sabotaging this a long time ago, when she first asked about him. i thought telling her the full extent of his long-distance girlfriend would stem her interest. but it didnt, as we all know that some people dont care if they are helping someone cheat, or they dont care that the person isnt emotionally available. so she went for it. and now S has dumped the ole gf. not because of this new chick mind you. it was in the shitter for months anyway, but at least it was a distant memory, and easy to forget that his heart was wrapped up in this girl so far away. but now this newest shit is so in my face that i cant breathe. this bugging me soooo goddamn much has made me realize i need to do a laundry list of things: break it off with N, sabotage S and this dumbass chick, and also tell S how i feel—which actually may just do the trick of him not lasting with her anyway.
though i give myself too much credit. i have long been relegated to friend land so there may be no return trip. i see how we are and i know there is more to it than simple friendship, but i think that too much has happened lately for me to say a word and it fare well. what i really must do is bide my time until this runs its course. i cant see him being super into her for the long term.
so it may very well run its course as his rebound relationship, i will get thru this shit with N, and then we'll both emerge on the other side. this could all be wishful thinking as well. here i am feeling like my heart is breaking and ironically it has nothing to do with the person i'm dating. i feel like such an asshole. 
