  So,  I woke up this morning really really mad and stressed out and,  just. hateful.  But,  I've never been one to purposefully take my anger out on other people.
 I'd rather take it out on myself.  So,  because of the argument that I had with my future step- dad,  and the fact that no one in this stupid house listens to me,  and the fact that I woke up a million and one times last night because of my sister AND her father,
 and the fact that I just hate living in this stupid crap- hole of a town we like to call Huntsville,  and the fact that I really have no one to talk to because my mom's either at work or sleeping,  and all my friends are back in El Paso,  and I didn't feel like e- mailing anyone and having to wait until it was convenient for them to recieve a reply.
I had a nervous break- down and did what I promised myself& nbsp;  and others I wasn't going to do anymore.  Well,  first I cried for about an hour,
 then I went into the bathroom,  grabbed a razor,  and made four pretty deep gashes on my right wrist.  Then,  that wasn't enough,  but I can only use so much of my wrist because my wrist band only covers so much,
 so I got daring and cut my inner left ankle six times.  I mean,  I feel a little better now. but not much.  I cannot stop crying,  and I don't even know why I'm crying,
 and it's killing me,  because I really want to stop cutting myself,  but I've developed some kind of. addiction,  I guess.  I dunno what to do,
 but I'm not going to tell anyone.  Not anyone here anyway because there's no one to tell.  And even if there was,  I know exactly how my mother would react.  She'd freak out and yell at me and lecture me until the freakin' cows came home.  So,
 anyone that's reading this is either back in El Paso and can't do anything for me anyway,  or just doesn't know me at all.  And I'd like to leave it at that.  And just because I have time,  I'll explain to those two people who knew that I cut before everyone else,  and wanted to know why.
 Long story,  but you asked for it.  It was right after I broke up with a certain boyfriend last year ( freshman year)  He was,  I figure the first guy I'd ever loved,
 or he wouldn't have driven me to do what I did.  Anyway,  so I suffered from what I like to call " Post Break- Up Syndrome"  And basically,
 it just lasted longer than it ever did with any of my other boyfriends because I fell quite hard for this guy,  and while we were dating,  we went through a lot of crap together.  So,  that put me in a sort of depression.  But when we broke up,
 that's when it hit me hard.  And so I thought that,  you know,  cutting myself would make me feel better,  and the physical pain would take away from the emotional pain.  And it did.
 And if it didn't,  well then I just didn't notice.  So then,  after that,  I went through a lot because living with my aunt became a lot harder because she was getting on my nerves,  and I was getting on hers,
 and she was just really rude to me at times.  So then,  while living with her,  I think I cut myself two or three more times before I got kicked out of her house and went to live with my grandma.  There,  I argued with my grandma a lot about coming home on time because I never wanted to be there.
 Then one day,  she made a comment about how she'd be happy when I was gone,  and that got to me.  So,  I had a mental break down and thought that no one wanted me around.  That's when I thought that I'd just be better off dead,
 because no one wanted me around anyway.  So I cut myself pretty bad that night.  But the only thing stopping me was the thought that I was really gonna hurt the three most important people in my life:  My mom,  by best friend Lauren,  and My b/
f Sergio.  Because I knew for a fact that they cared about me a lot,  so I couldn't stand to hurt them.  So there,  there is my story.  Now don't ask me again why I do it,
 okay?  & nbsp;  Song of the moment-  " Crawling"
 By Linkin Park Why? Because that is exactly how I feel right now.
