  I keep asking myself what to do, and receive no answer. I don't know what I could or should do. I can't stop thinking about Lauren, and Amy and Markita are constantly in the afterthoughts of Lauren. I still have some feelings for Amy and Markita, and yet those for Lauren still make me wanna cry.
I kinda just lied in bed last night and stared at the roof, oops, ceiling, sorry Crystal I forgot. I got so tired/bored, and I feel so miserable, that I just put on some clothes and a sweater and went for a walk in the rain, which wasn't really rain it was more of a cold drizzle. I just walked and walked, until about 5 in the morning, when I realized how tired I was and how far from home I'd walked. Still drizzling and I was soaking wet. I just walked right back home. Only good thing about Albuquerque that I've found so far, its got lots of walking and bike paths.
And well in the morning everything smells fresh. But that only lasts til like 6:30 in the morning. Anyways, I guess writing and walking/running lets me subconsciously sort things out cause I kinda realized a few things. Firstly, Lauren is the only girl that I've ever felt real true love for. She makes me extremely happy, and well I have no right nor reason to doubt her love.
I feel kinda lost without her, moreso than ever before. My feelings for Markita, well they're just that feelings, like I said before, we went through a lot together. I care about her a lot, she's one of the few real friends I have and also one of the only people on this planet I can count on. And anything I feel for Amy, well I still can't explain them. Even after all those things she said and did to me, I still care about her just as much as I care about Markita. I know for a fact that I still want to date Lauren, maybe more, not now but someday, when I can take care of her, and make sure she's happy with her life.
I just have to ask her out. And hope she still wants me, as bad as I want her. 
